woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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