Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
