Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
