four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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