He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
