Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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