remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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