We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
