So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
