bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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