so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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