Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
