i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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