I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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