Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
