Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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