i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
