i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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