that's an acceptable place to lick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
