i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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