he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
