would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
