How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
