Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
