I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
