You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
