Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
