she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
