I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
