Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
