piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
