I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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