If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
