Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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