My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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