Soap is not a condiment
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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