The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
