We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
