Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
