it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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