Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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