Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think my fart just growled at me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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