Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
