here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
