Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
