wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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