She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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