I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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