I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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