Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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