I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
