He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
