It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
